Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Stress related or Depression?

We’ve all heard that saying, “It’s not what happens to you in life that counts, It’s how you deal with it that counts.” Right? Well that got me thinking….

I know this girl. She’s a great person, nice to be around and has a great heart. She really cares about what happens to other people. She has a great sunny personality…when things are going good.

On the other hand, as soon as things start getting tough, as soon as stress is factored into her life, she becomes a totally different person. The “Devil” in her comes out.

Recently, she has been under a lot of stress “again” and this little devil has overtaken her personality. From the nice person she is, to a royal pain in the _ _ _! Nobody wants to be around her. Nobody can talk to her because she will just argue with you no matter what the subject or the reasoning.

I feel sorry for her because I know she can’t help it. She just plain get so overwhelmed by this negative anger (is there positive anger?) that she doesn’t know what to do about it. She is aware of it while it’s happening but can’t control it. Isn’t that one of the worse feelings in the world: being in a situation where you have absolutely no control over it?

No, it’s not PMS as I’m sure some of you are thinking. I can count on it happening every week or two and lasting from a day to five days. Could it be that “chemical imbalance” I was talking about in a previous post? She thinks so. Could it be her diet? She doesn’t think so. (She does eat well) Could it just plain be that she is someone who can’t deal with stress once it reaches a certain level and it takes a while before the pressure resides again? Perhaps she is afraid of something and the stress brings it to the forefront? Or is it something, some long unresolved issue deep inside her that is released time and again when the chemicals within our body change due to? I have talked to her many times about this situation, with suggestions ranging from meditation, positive thinking, quit smoking and other alternative treatments etc... No luck. She has even, in the past, seen “doctors”, from mainstream to holistic, but with the same results. To sum it up, all the various attempts she has tried to curtail these “explosions”, have all failed.

I’ve even suggested that maybe it’s a learning opportunity. Maybe this is a chance for the soul to grow by overcoming this challenge confronting her. Remember, spiritual growth is obtained by overcoming our challenges and fears. And occasionally, on our path to growth, the soul will conjure up opportunities specifically for us to confront and challenge in order to attain that growth.

Or, maybe, it’s actually an opportunity for me to overcome one of my “weaknesses” and she is just the unfortunate messenger? MMMmmm….

What do you think?

Is this stress related or....Clinical Depression....or.....


Rambler said...

I would call it a mind cylce which everyone goes through,
In sasnkrit there is a saying "Kalayah tasmai namahah" which means TIME I salute you, leave it to the time to heal everyone, I am sure things would change for her. its just the space she needs to heal

jon be me said...

Good point rambler,
however, this situation has been going of for a couple of years now. Space? We all need that once in a while.
I think it's more in the direction of a biological/chemical imbalance of her hormones. But, hey, what do I know!!
Hopefull you are right and the time for it to "go away" is near.

Dehlia said...

Its hard to tell without knowing more about her. I do know that depressives have an extremely bad time dealing with stress. It would hurt for her to talk to a doctor again if it is depression it doesn't always respond to the first medication prescribed, its a matter of trial and error.If not psychological counseling could help. Having an unbiased person to talk to can help her straighten things out in her head and figure what is going on and why.
She is lucky to have a good friend like you who is understanding and wants to help. But, sometimes its easier to let loose with a stranger than someone we're close too.
Anyway just letting her know you care and are there for her is important to her.

jon be me said...

No more mainstreem docs for her. Most anti-depr pills end up making you worse in the long run. She's tried Psych counsl before - no luck. I have no problem telling her the truth. We are very good friends.

thanks for the comment

Anonymous said...

Is she left-handed? Is she an alcoholic? If she is, you might have to leave her alone. And say goodbye to her.
Or maybe she's just frustrated. I mean unhappy.
However, if you can convince her to learn to endure suffering everytime it comes, she can become used to it. And it will bother her less. This will build up her character. And her self-esteem.
The more she tries to do something about her misery or suffering, the worse she becomes. And she can become addicted to anything.
She and you should just learn to let it be. Let it be. Let it be!
Have you ever tried using a mantra or mantram? Find out what works for her.

jon be me said...

Yea, she's a lefthanded, frustrated, unhappy depressed alcoholic without addictions and low self appreciation who doesn't know how to "let it be"....
thanks for the comment

Anonymous said...

The other possibility, which is very common, is that she may be trying to control you or manipulate you by giving you a roller-coaster treatment regularly. This is not necessarily conscious or planned. It could be just instinctive or learned by trial and error. She can turn you into a nice guy and will make a fool out of you. She loves to be in control. She's a bitch. Dump her!
Not personal. It can happen to anybody.
Don't let her change you. Don't try to change her. Just leave her alone. Manipulate her if you will, but you will lose if you are not ready to lose her. Prepare yourself for a life without her. Try to find away to make her leave you. To protect yourself from guilt feelings. Be ready for what she might try to do when you start ignoring her.
Just dump her!

jon be me said...

thanks for the comment. I don't think she is 'intentionally' trying to manipulate. And, I'm not ready to quit on her yet. I am very strong inside. Stronger than she is and that may be one of her issues...not confident enough about herself. Like I've said before, people have to learn to "accept themselves" as themselves, mistakes and all. Many people do not and this causes "mental issues" that may linger for a lifetime...and stunt the growth of our soul.

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