Friday, February 22, 2008

No football child left behind....

No Child Left Behind - Football Version

The football version of what is going on in education right now.

For all educators in and out of the education system:

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time, even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. This will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals: If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Wine and Water

Recently, a group of highly respected scientists performed 2 strictly controlled experiments at WE-BS'n. In the first of these *double blind controlled studies, participating scientists discovered that if they drank 1 liter of common drinking water per day, at the end of a years time, they would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria (E.coli) into their bodies. This bacterium is commonly found in feces. Translated, this means that in drinking one liter of water a day they were consuming approximately 1 kilo of poo poo....

In the second, strictly controlled *double blind experiment, another group of participating scientists discovered that upon drinking 1 liter of red wine (or beer or Tequila, Rum, Vodka, Whiskey or other Liquor) a day, they did not encounter the same risks involved with drinking water because alcohol has to go through a special, highly controlled, age old purification process consisting of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Thus, no poop. Furthermore, the majority of the participating scientists in this 2nd experiment discovered an inner, spiritual awakening during the tests. Oh, and they often spoke to God the day after for some unknown reason....

Conclusion of the Study:
Water = Poop, Wine = Health, Spirituality

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of crap.

Quoting Ben Franklin: “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Moral of the story? Drink more wine....

This public service message brought to you by JBM
*Double blind=both eyes were closed

Monday, February 11, 2008


Bride dies during marriage's first dance...

DAVIE, Fla. - Kim Sjostrom wanted a real-life version of the film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," which played in the background as friends fixed her hair and makeup before her own marriage ceremony.

But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me."

At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease.

During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed.

Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.

She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child — literally — for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways.

He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile."

No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Donut Hole

I heard, the other day, where....

Optimists see the donut, Pessimists see the hole.

Which are you?

I'll take the donut ....

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Burning Spears

Ok, so I’m sure some of you have read where Britney Spears has been committed to a hospital for “mental observations.” And, I’m sure most people fall into one or the other camps of view- good riddance or she deserves it or who cares!– concerning her commitment. (these are the printable camps!) On the other hand, I feel compassion for her. That right, COMPASSION.

Real compassion, not that fake stuff a certain president lied about in 2000.

A real compassion, without reciprocal, for a fellow being.

How, you might ask can anyone feel compassion for this person? I mean, have you not seen all the antics and screw ups that have been reported in the media throughout her career? How could you have compassion for a “thing” like this?

It’s really quite simple. No matter your opinion about Spears and how deserving it may be, beyond all the glitter and bad hair cuts is a person: a person who is trying to find her way on this earth, a person with a soul who is searching for the way-just like you and me. Look behind the mask and you will see the soul, a soul just like yours and mine, on its own redemptive path. Deep inside, rich or poor, famous or anonymous, we are all the same but it’s the paths that we have taken that are different. The goals are the same, just the path varies for all of us.

Regardless of what you may think of her personally (I could care less about her music and personal life antics), she is still a person and I have compassion for most people. I see a person who is lost, lost along the way and needs some help... real help. We all need some help along this difficult journey that we have undertaken in this earthly realm. We all get lost at some point and need help getting back on track or in finding the way.

Sometimes, the bigger you are, the harder you fall. Spears was given a gift just as all of us have given one and perhaps she has made some bad decisions, with her gift, along the way. Who hasn’t? Who are we to judge? We do not know what her soul is trying to accomplish or what past Karmas she is facing and trying to overcome. He who has not made some regrettable decisions in life, he who is perfect may cast the first stone for I shall not.

Who knows, she may be at a turning point in her life: with the right decisions and proper help, she can obtain great growth. This could be her chance. She would not be the first person to make a change. On the other hand, with the wrong moves, she will fail and further create bad karma.

Such is it with our soul and this magical, mysterious journey through life on earth.


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

We are the change

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or if we wait for some other time," Obama told supporters. "We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

This quote can also be applied to all of us seeking.....

Monday, February 4, 2008

Good Karma


1. Great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self,
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate
steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone, by yourself, every day.
9. Keep your mind open to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for a good life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the
current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up
in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

20. Be yourself.
:) anonymous

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